Motherhood and Mental Health: Part 1

Part One: New Mom, Who’s This?

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” -Osho

So often during pregnancy, the baby bump gets all the attention. We spend months anticipating and preparing for birth. And then this tiny, new person arrives in our life and everyone goes ‘gaga’ for the baby.  Meanwhile, as a mom, we are going through a deeply transformative period – physically, emotionally and spiritually during our fertility journey, pregnancy and then postpartum.  

Each woman’s journey of motherhood is one-of-a-kind. Every pregnancy and postpartum story is multifaceted, deep and includes many highs and lows. As a mom of two little ones myself, I always say that motherhood is both the hardest and best thing I have ever done in my life. Whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, as a human, transformation is not all fun and games. The intense changes may leave us feeling like a stranger to ourselves. Our metamorphosis to motherhood may include the following profound experiences: infertility, loss, unplanned pregnancy, adoption, health concerns, barriers to quality care and support, birth trauma, sleep deprivation, excessive worrying, sadness, grief, joy, ecstasy and love on a whole new level.

Whether this prenatal and postpartum period is our first or fifth baby, we can expect to change each time. With the arrival of each of my babies, a new me emerged as well. And every area of my life was forever changed including myself, my relationships, friendships, work life, priorities and boundaries.

In the process of becoming a mother, we need space to both grieve the loss of our old self and make space for this new mother. But it becomes increasingly difficult to set aside time for ourselves with a new baby. Our time, body and energy are not just ours anymore. A tiny human is now depending on us and it’s easy to put that little one first all day, every day. Slowly, we drop lower on our to-do list and end up somewhere between washing bottles and putting the clean laundry away. 

One thing I continue to practice as a mom is to flip my list of priorities so that I make it back to the top. It takes intentional effort and sometimes a lot of discomfort to put my needs above the others in my house. But I find that when I put myself first, my baby, my relationships and my home all lighten up. Motherhood is a marathon not a sprint so consistency and sustainability are key. Motherhood calls for us to truly take care of ourselves in new ways. And as challenging as it is to make the time, any work we do for ourselves during the prenatal and postpartum period is returned to us multiple times over for years to come. 

During pregnancy, many mothers spend hours pouring over our baby registries to assure we have everything we need for the baby to stay fed, clothed, clean and cute. These things are obviously important. Perhaps less obvious but just as important is our need for mental wellness in motherhood. When we address our unhealed traumas, acknowledge and change unhealthy behavior patterns and learn to trust ourselves more, we can cultivate more ease and peace for ourselves and our children. Even as babies, our children can always sense their mother’s energy. So by taking care of ourselves and our mental health first during this transformative and challenging time, we are the first model of self-care our child ever witnesses. And a habit of self-love is perhaps the best gift we can give ourselves and our children.

Coming next:
Part 2 – Mother by Numbers: Maternal Mental Health Statistics
Part 3 – Tips and Resources for the New Mom

Written by Anna Marchese, MSW, LCSW, Mental Health Therapist, Reiki Master & Yoga Instructor at Collaborative InSights, LLC.

Are you interested in learning more about our holistic and therapeutic mental health services? Contact Anna Marchese to schedule a free 15 minute consultation at annamarchese@collabintherapy.com!